


If You Wanted Honesty (That's All You Had to Say)

by I_Fear_I_Fell



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Tags May Change, The self harm is extremely mild but be careful anyways, Unhealthy Relationships, Unsympathetic Deceit Sanders, the idea started simple and got more angsty as time went on lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-01 01:37:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21317374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Fear_I_Fell/pseuds/I_Fear_I_Fell
Summary: “Save it, ‘Roman’,” Virgil sneered, rising from his spot on the couch. “Just-- give it up already. Leave me alone, okay? You don’t win this time.”Roman looked frozen in the doorway. Somehow, Virgil didn’t feel quite as victorious as he thought he would....Virgil always longed for the approval of the other sides, but something from his past keeps him from fully trusting them. It comes back to haunt him at the worst possible moment.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 52
Kudos: 275





	1. i never want to let you down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for this chapter: Lying and emotional manipulation.
> 
> Let me know if I need to tag for anything else! Thank you!

Even with all his worrying, Virgil hadn’t been able to avoid this conclusion. After this, he might be too broken to continue trying to act like he belonged anywhere anymore. There was once a time when he would have given almost anything to hear Roman confess his love for him-- now he was not quite so naive as to believe in fairytales. 

He glares at Roman’s trembling lips and clenches his jaw so hard he thinks he can hear his bones creaking. His stomach is churning and he feels sick with anger and grief. How had he allowed it to come to this point? 

… 

Virgil is twelve years old the first time it happens. 

He had an argument with Princey about Thomas earlier and he’s still frustrated; Princey blamed Anxiety for screwing up Thomas’ school project but Anxiety hadn’t even done anything wrong! He’d been trying to be hands-off about the project so he would stop complaining, but then Princey went and blamed him when it didn’t go well! It was his job to worry about the ideas! Mostly he just wished he was less mean to him when things went wrong. He knew it was his job, but it wasn’t like Anxiety wanted to be the bad guy.

He was walking back to his room when he heard someone behind him. He whirled around, expecting it to be Deceit or Remus, but to his shock, it’s the Prince. He’s holding something behind his back, and Virgil took a half step backwards. He wouldn’t put it past him to have his katana. 

“Princey!” Virgil gasped out, caught off guard. He took a quick glance around to make sure they were alone. Even if he and Roman didn’t always get along, that didn’t mean he would want him to get caught by Deceit or Remus. “What are you doing here?! The Others--” 

“Anxiety, it’s okay,” Princey assured him. He didn’t look afraid and it soothed Anxiety if only a little bit. He fidgeted slightly. “I… actually came here to apologize. And…” 

Virgil’s eyes were wide. 

“And?” he whispered. 

“I have something that I wanted to tell you. I’m sorry for excluding you, Virgil. Me, Morality, and Logic don’t hate you, we actually really like you, and-- and you were right about the project, and I was wrong. I was just afraid to admit it, but… I like you. A lot. And… I hope you accept my feelings! I don’t want to fight from now on!” He shoved a something clumsily into Virgil’s hands, blushing furiously. 

Virgil raised it his eyes, transfixed. It was a beautiful red rose. Roman had always been good at creating things, possibly even better than Remus. It was soft when he ran a finger along a petal. 

“Roman…” Virgil could barely speak. This was all he’d ever dreamed of. The offer of friendship from one of the Light sides? Though… with the rose, it seemed like he had been offering more than that. “You mean it? Do you…” he flushed, glancing back down at the pristine rose clutched in his hands. “Do you… _like_-like me?” 

Crushes were something that Thomas had been acquainted with for some time now but were still a confusing topic. Some kids his age had started to date (for about two days at a time), but he hadn’t found himself liking any girls that way like the other boys did. He thought some of the girls were nice and he should like them, but none of his “crushes” so far had stuck. 

Somehow, as he said it, the idea of Roman liking a guy didn’t seem so strange. But… Anxiety? Really? Him specifically? He’d never even considered the idea that anyone would like-like him, much less Roman. He felt flattered and more than a little surprised. To his embarrassment, he could feel heat rising to his cheeks. 

“Of course I like you!” Roman’s face was earnest, and his hands grasped Virgil’s, curling them tighter around the rose. “You mean a lot to me.” 

Virgil glowed at the compliment, too happy to even question it. The promise of no more fighting fighting with Roman, no more bad-guy Anxiety, was so freeing that even he was surprised by the amount of relief he felt. He felt something strange in his stomach, sort of like anxiety but lighter and more bubbly, and he wondered in the back of his mind if it was similar to like-liking someone the way Princey liked him. 

Suddenly, Virgil felt the sting of a thorn he hadn’t seen before on the rose dig into his palm and winced. He tried to let go, but Prince’s hands were trapping his. A seed of dread started to grow in his chest, chasing away his giddiness. 

“Ow, Princey, the rose,” he whimpered. “Let go, please.”

He kept speaking as if Virgil hadn’t said anything, his grip actually tightening. 

Roman leaned forward, his face suddenly serious. “Anxiety, if I asked you to come live Upstairs with Morality, Logic and I, what would you say?” Something about his tone didn’t seem to ring true, and Virgil felt like he was about to realize something he really wouldn’t like. 

“I- I don’t know,” Virgil stuttered, unnerved. For some reason he felt too wary to directly accept, and he floundered, trying to keep Princey happy. “I mean, of course I want to be closer to you guys, I would love to! But, uh, how would I even move my room?” 

Princey smirked. Virgil shuddered. It looked alien on his usually boyishly open face. 

Suddenly, something he’d said rose to Virgil’s mind: _‘I’m sorry for excluding you, Virgil.’_

Princey didn’t know his real name. 

Then this wasn’t- 

Virgil watched, transfixed, as Princey’s grinning face became Deceit’s cold sneer. He gasped in terror, ripping his hand out of Deceit’s so fast he fell backwards, dragging his hand roughly against the thorns on the rose. His palm stung, a bright flash of pain where it met the ground. Deceit towered over him. How-- what was-- 

“Oh, no,” Deceit said mockingly. “Did I scare you? I would never mean to startle you, _Virgil_.” He switched to a mocking imitation of Roman’s voice. “You know I care _so much_ about you!”

“Deceit, why?! Why would you do that?” Virgil tried to be angry, but his voice just came out heartbroken. He thought Deceit was supposed to be his friend. He never dreamed he might transform into someone to trick him. 

Deceit _tsked_ disappointedly. “I’m sorry to say you made me do it. You’ve been acting so strangely, Virgil! I wanted to test you to know your true feelings because I knew you would never tell me yourself. We might be going through a rough patch in our friendship, but I had no idea it was this bad! I never knew you had the potential to be this heartless… and they say I’m the bad one. I’m not half so cruel as you are. You really are a liar. Everyone else will be _so sad_ to know you like the Light Sides better than us.” 

_Had_ he forced his friend to do this? Virgil felt tears rising to his eyes ubidden because he knew, deep down, that none of it was a lie. Virgil was the bad one. Virgil has lied by leading Deceit to believe he disliked the Light Sides like he did. Deceit was right-- Virgil never would have told him in a million years how desperate he was to be friends with the Light Sides, and now Deceit knew everything. He knew just how pathetic and desperate he was to have Princey’s approval. That didn’t mean he was abandoning the Others, thought he knew they wouldn’t see it that way. He couldn’t help but feel terrified of what the others would do if Deceit told them. 

Deceit saw his tears and scoffed. 

“You’re ridiculous, Anxiety. You need to learn your place is here, with us; with the other Dark Sides. Don’t try to be something you’re not. You have to choose us or them, and you should know by now they would never want you. It’s your own fault that you fell for it, _Virgil_.” 

Virgil’s mouth tasted like ash. Deceit was right. How could he have been so stupid? Roman would never say anything that like to him. 

“I won’t tell the Others what you said. As a favor. Be very grateful, Anxiety. You don’t deserve even that much. And if you betray me again…” he threatened. 

“I’m sorry, Deceit,” Virgil whispered. Deceit scoffed again and disappeared. Shakily, Virgil found his way to his feet and ran back to his room to be alone. Deceit may have been right, but it hurt anyway. 

… 

The next time was a few years later later. 

Anxiety is slinking towards the kitchen with his earbuds in, so he almost missed Patton walking up to him. They had become better friends in the past few months, and were still forming a tentative connection Virgil was trying not to screw up. Logic and Princey may not like him, but at least Patton had begun to feel like a friend. He’d even shared his name, though Virgil was still too guarded to share his. Deceit was the only one who knew it so far, but Virgil didn’t like it when he used it. 

“Getting some food?” Patton asked, smiling. “I have some leftovers in the fridge if you want some! I always leave some for you.” 

Virgil hadn’t known that. Patton had told him there was food for him before, but the news that he always left some was new information. He just nodded and let Patton walk him to the kitchen, pleasantly surprised. He hadn’t realized Patton cared enough for him to do that, and it warmed something deep in his chest. 

It’s only when he’s sitting at the table slowly eating leftover pizza that Patton dropped the bomb of why he was really there. 

“I’ve noticed that you and Creativity have been having some problems lately, Anxiety. What’s been going on?” Virgil’s stomach drops. How could he explain? He couldn’t. Ever since Deceit had tricked him, he’d been even more on edge around Princey than usual. His emotions were still incredibly confused and volatile, and he’d been struggling to reconcile the fact that he’d thought Princey had liked him, then that he had hurt him, then turned out to be Deceit in disguise. It was a lot. They had been arguing more, and he knew it wasn’t just Princey’s fault; Virgil was lashing out at him unfairly too. 

It didn’t help that after that day, he hadn’t been able to look at Princey quite the same way. Something about the possibility of him having a crush on Virgil couldn’t get out of his mind. It was impossible, he knew, but for some reason the thought kept returning of what it would be like if he did. Virgil wasn’t really sure what it meant but it was only making him more frustrated. 

“It’s whatever,” Virgil picked uncomfortably at his hoodie sleeve. He let his fringe obscure his face. Maybe if he brushed it off, Patton would just drop it. 

“If it’s upsetting you, then it's not ‘whatever’. You feelings matter.” 

“Uhm… I guess…” There was that one thing that had just happened that was bothering him as well. He could never reveal everything to Patton, but maybe this one thing. “I- I just got into a fight with Princey, it wasn’t a big deal. He said he didn’t think I was good for Thomas.” Not like that was anything new. 

“And? Did he say anything else?” 

“Er- how I should just go away and not come back, and stuff.” Virgil ground out uncomfortably. Princey could be thoughtless, but that particular barb hit Virgil where it hurt. He was constantly questioning his right to influence Thomas as it was. He didn’t seem to fit in anywhere, with the Dark or the Light sides, and Princey was just confirming what he already knew they thought. 

“Anxiety! I’m sorry to hear that, buddy,” Patton said, leaning across the table slightly. “That is not okay for Prince to say, even if he’s angry or you’re arguing. You know that, right?” 

Virgil shrugged. It seemed like everything hurt his feelings these days. It’s not like anyone cared about them anyway, and at this point expecting different was just setting himself up for disappointment. He quickly chewed the rest of his pizza, eager to leave. 

“Let’s go talk to him,” said Patton, standing. Virgil balked. 

“No!” 

“Why not?”

“Because-- because-- because that’s just a bad idea!” Virgil said. “What is there to even talk about? It’s fine!” All talking to Roman would do was make him angry. He didn’t want Roman to hate him even more than he did already! 

“Kiddo, it’s not okay for this to keep happening. If you want, I can just talk to Roman. You don’t have to come.”

“No,” he growled. _That would be even worse!_ “Fine! We can talk to him about it.” It’s not like it would be a long conversation anyway. Princey wouldn’t listen to them, and then he could just leave. 

They walked quietly, Virgil’s mind racing and his stomach twisting up in knots. Confrontation was not really his strong suit. He was fine at arguing— deflecting questions and sarcasm were second nature at this point— but a conversation about feelings was really not in his comfort zone. Patton gave him glances of what might be concern as they went. He just pulled his hoodie further over his head. Maybe Patton thought he was doing what was best for the group, but that didn’t make Virgil happy about it. Eventually, they found Creativity training in fencing in the Imagination. 

For the moments before Princey spotted them, it was almost peaceful to watch him practice. Guiltily, Virgil couldn’t help but notice how graceful he looked lunging, or how dashing a look of concentration was on his face. He was really in his element here. It made sense, the Imagination was a safe space for Princey to do what he wanted and what he was best at, what he was made for. 

“Hey kiddo! Could we talk to you for a second?” Patton called. Princey turned to face them, making his blade disappear with a showy flourish of his wrist. He wiped his sweaty forehead with his arm and smiled. Strangely, he didn’t seem angry when he saw Virgil, though he frowned a little bit when they made eye contact. They had argued only a few hours before. Had be gotten over it that quickly?

“Hello Morality, Anxiety. What are you guys doing here? Did you need something?” he asked, walking across the field to meet them. 

“We actually wanted to talk to you about something you said to Anxiety earlier, buddy. Anxiety?” he prompted, glancing down at the silent side. 

_This was a bad idea. This was a bad idea._ “Princey, I know we don’t always agree, but… you hurt my feelings before. When you said I should leave you guys alone. And not come back. And that you hated me, or whatever.” 

Princey’s expression twisted into confusion, and more than that, he started to look a little pissed off. 

“What on Earth are you talking about, Pierce the Pale?” he asked in clipped tones. “I don’t know what you’re trying to blame on me, but I didn’t do anything wrong. I never said a word of that!” 

Virgil felt himself getting angry too. So what if Princey was right and he was wrong? That didn’t mean he could just pretend it never happened! That didn’t mean he could just act like Virgil was a liar! 

“What are _you_ talking about? You said that Thomas was better off without me and that I should just go away! You can’t just pretend like you don’t remember! I thought Princes weren’t supposed to lie!” Virgil snapped. 

“Well, I’m not, _Mean Day!_” Princey was fuming now. Distantly, Virgil noticed his hands curling into fists at his sides. Oh crap. He was really mad. “You’re the one who’s concocting some story of my wrongdoing! So what, you just brought Morality here so you could make up some lie about how I was being mean to you so you could seem like the victim?! I’m not pretending not to remember, that just didn’t happen!” he shouted. 

While Princey was yelling, Virgil had felt all the blood drain out of his face, along with his defensive anger. What was happening? He was so confused, but it was obvious he had really screwed up now. Princey had said those things to Virgil though, hadn’t he? It’d only been a few hours since it happened, he couldn’t have forgotten, right? But he didn’t seem like he was lying. He seemed really, really, righteously mad, and it was all Anxiety’s fault. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Morality looking at him in shock. He’d really screwed up now; now Patton was going to think he was just a liar who had made something up to get Princey in trouble! Virgil’s eyesight grew blurry with barely withheld tears. He’d lost both their trusts in one go. 

“Princey, you- you’re-” Virgil stammered. Creativity rounded on Patton. 

“Patton, you have to believe me!” he said desperately. “I don’t know what he said, but I haven’t even seen Anxiety in days!” Virgil’s blood ran cold. Days? That couldn’t be possible. Unless… 

“Anxiety, is that true?” Patton asked, giving him a searching look. “Tell me we’re confused somehow, kiddo.” 

Virgil choked back tears, at a loss for words. Why couldn’t he seem to explain himself when he needed to? What would he even say? _”I’m not sure that the Prince I’ve been seeing is real?”_ Like they would believe that. He could feel his chest tightening and his breathing picked up. He was pathetic. 

“I— I can’t Patton, I’m sorry,” Virgil gasped. “I’m— I have to go,” He took a wobbly step backwards. Patton was looking at him strangely, and even Princey seemed more confused than angry. 

“Wait, Anxiety--” Patton called, sounding panicked. Virgil ignored him. He needed to go before he did something stupid like cry or tell them about what had happened with Deceit. 

Turning away, he sunk through the floor into some random hallway he recognized as the one outside of his room. Shakily, he sunk down to the floor with his back against the wall. He trembled with suppressed emotion, mind whirling in disjointed sentences. 

What was real? Had the first Princey been fake? Was it really Deceit all along? Was the one he’d just talked to Deceit? Or maybe-- maybe he had just imagined the whole thing. Or maybe everyone was in on it, they were all out to get him-- Patton’s kindness, Logan’s begrudging respect, Roman’s banter-- it was all just a huge joke at his expense. 

“No, no, no!” Virgil stifled a short scream. Stop being crazy, he told himself. His paranoia was getting to him. 

“You really like him, don’t you?” Deceit mused from right next to his ear. Virgil shrieked and scrambled away. Deceit was casually crouched next to him, chin resting on one gloved fist. 

“D-Deceit! When did you get here?” His voice sounded thin and breathy. 

“Oh, you know. I’ve been around,” he replied flippantly. 

“Was that you!? Just now?” Virgil demanded.

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you mean.” 

Virgil grit his teeth. He had realized a few things over the years and he knew it was wrong for Deceit to turn into other people and lie to him. Even if what Deceit was saying was true, He was still angry at Deceit for the last time, and anger was a convenient shield to disguise how much he was hurting. His blood felt like it was boiling in a potent mixture of rage and fear. After so long defending his choices by acting scary, it felt easy to slip into it. 

“Stop lying!” He cried. “I’m sick of it, Deceit! You can’t keep doing this! It isn’t right!” 

“Virgil!” Deceit said, mock-scandalized. He kept talking, but Virgil wasn’t listening, because he saw something around the corner. The green tip of a sleeve. He tried to keep his hysteria under control. 

Remus… was listening to their conversation? 

He rose and dashed to look around the corner. Remus was messing with something in his hands, and Virgil realized it was a notepad. As he approached Remus, he spun around to face him. 

“Hello Anxiety!” he cried, grinning. “What if Thomas ripped out his entrails and put them in the blender?” Virgil ignored the obvious attempt at distracting him. 

“What, you’re all in on this?!” Virgil spat. “This isn’t funny!” 

“Oh, no, it’s not funny at all,” smirked Deceit, sauntering up behind him. Vigil burned in rage and humiliation, ignoring Remus’ quiet, _‘What are we talking about now?’_

“Just— Just stop,” Virgil grit out. He flipped his hood up and glared. “Leave me alone, Deceit, or you won’t like it. You too, Remus!” He started to sink out to his room. 

“So is that a yes on the blender idea? Entrails? Good?” Remus called behind him. “Oooh! What about someone else’s entrails?” 

Despite Virgil’s warning, Deceit didn’t stop. After that, he wouldn’t tell Virgil after he’d tricked him— it would only be after Virgil mentioned something to Princey or Patton that he had done and they’d be confused that Virgil would realize. Eventually, he grew almost paranoid that every Prince was fake, and tried to cut out seeing him altogether. He knew the others were confused, especially Patton, but he didn’t see any other option. He didn’t know if he could trust any of the sides anymore, whether they were at fault or not. 

For a long while after, Virgil spent most of his time alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like this story! It was actually inspired by a fanfic for another fandom where a character didn't trust a true love confession because he'd gotten a few joke ones before. It kind of spiraled into something more serious here lol because of the extra layer of deception of it coming from a friend disguising themselves. Also the name is from a My Chemical Romance song, I'm kind of going crazy after their reunion lmao.
> 
> Also! As this story progresses, let me know if I should tag this for (emotional) abuse from Deceit. I feel like there's definitely elements here that could be that way, so I'm not sure if I should add the tag. Along with that, I know a lot of people like to take a more sympathetic view on Deceit, and I generally do as well, but I had this concept that he works really well this way and I also think a darker interpretation is totally valid for their relationship as well. Lmk if you think he or other people are out of character though!
> 
> I have the second and third chapters pretty much roughly done already so I should be able to get those out soon enough if I have time for my nitpicky editing. Thanks for reading!


	2. or have you go, it's better off this way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for this chapter:  
Emotional abuse/manipulation, thoughts of self harm/very mild self harm.

It’s years later when it happens again.

After a few years, Virgil had gotten better at telling when someone was Deceit in disguise: he had observed the other sides too much and could spot the subtle inconsistencies. He made sure to never tell Deceit what they were when he noticed them, greedily latching on to the one form of power he had: his paranoia. It soon became habit to scour the sides for details to reassure him they weren’t fake, and he only grew better at it over time. It didn’t really help them trust him, though; he knew his constant suspicion threw them off just as much as his abrasive shell did. 

So, despite the eventual decline and end of Deceit deceiving him regularly, Virgil’s relationships with the others had never really recovered. They more settled into an uncomfortable truce. He avoided them, and he knew they avoided him. Patton, of course, was outwardly kind, but Virgil was smart enough to know that was just because Patton was nice to everyone. It was just in his nature. Virgil had only started seeing the others more often because Thomas had started including all of them in his videos. 

Now Virgil and Roman were arguing about Thomas again— those seem to be happening more and more lately. Virgil knew he had been on edge; Thomas had been spending a lot of time away from his friends and making a lot of changes. 

“We have a bubble. It’s nice here. We can get anything done we want to do in your familiar bubble,” he urged Thomas. 

“That is not how dream chasing works! Ugh, I do _not_ like you.” Roman grumbled. Virgil can’t understand why no one seems to see he’s just trying to keep Thomas safe. He thought with him spending more time with the sides they might be able to come to a better understanding, but it seemed like his communication with Roman was entering a backslide; the more he tried to rush forward to repair their relationship the harder it was to climb. 

Even Thomas was starting to look angry. “I don’t get it! Last time you were on my case about whether here was where I needed to be!” 

“Yes, but lately-” 

“Are you just trying to counter everything I do?” 

“N-no, it’s just-” Virgil stuttered. 

“Then _what-_” 

“Your friends!” he couldn’t help bursting out. Everyone looked at him blankly. 

The most frustrating part was how little the other sides understood him. It was almost excruciating to have to explain just how much Thomas’ friends meant to him. How could the other sides miss something so important to Thomas’ wellbeing? Were they all just that oblivious?! It had even been affecting Patton! Then Logic and Roman kept arguing to leave his friends behind, and when Virgil tried to interject, Roman told him to shut up. This was getting on his last nerve. 

Then the worst possible situation happened. Roman suggested _it._

“Oh yeah! You guys can shapeshift!” Thomas said. “Perfect! You guys can take the forms of my friends, and then I can have you with me! No matter where I go!”

Virgil glanced back and forth at the other sides in panic. _This is a bad idea!_ His mind screamed at him. Come on, at least Logan had to agree. Just pretending to be Thomas’s friends wasn’t going to solve anything regarding his actual friends. 

Instead of speaking his thoughts, Virgil only managed an inarticulate “Uuh…” 

Then Logic turned into Joan and any hope of stopping that trainwreck pretty much went out the window. 

Virgil dug his nails into his palms with how tight he was clenching his fists. He wished vaguely he hadn’t cut his nails yesterday, because if they were longer and just a little more painful, maybe it would be enough to fully distract him. He could only stare mutely as Roman turned into Valerie and started to sing. 

He didn’t… he didn’t like this at all. He needed constancy in more than just surroundings, he needed… he needed everyone to just stay who they were, or he might start to doubt he knew who anyone was. Roman’s singing was suddenly grating and a little overwhelming; he felt like he needed control and peace and he felt all of a sudden desperate to escape. 

“You’ve got to stop her,” he ground out lowly. He barely heard Logic explaining what pronouns to use to him as his breathing picked up slightly. He argued almost on autopilot, especially when attention turned to him. 

“Anxiety…” Patton said pleadingly. 

“No, I am _not_ playing this game. I’m comfortable just the way I am, and besides, this isn’t going to do anyth-” 

“Talyn!” Thomas exclaimed, shifting Virgil into his friend. He hadn’t even known Thomas could do that. 

“W-w-why?! Change me back, now!” Virgil demanded.

“I think we can all agree that you’re undeniably adorable,” said Logan, smirking. 

“No…” Virgil felt his skin crawl. He hadn’t known anything could be worse than the others shapeshifting. He clenched his hands so hard his knuckles turned white, but it wasn’t as comforting as it usually was; instead of being grounding and familiar his hands felt alien and strange. He couldn’t bring himself to do anything but hiss, but the other sides just laughed at him. They seemed to like him better this way— when he wasn’t Virgil anymore, when who he was was just something they controlled. 

He didn’t like this. 

They all just kept talking, the conversation moving too fast to track to Virgil’s racing mind. 

“I am not okay with this,” Virgil tried again. 

“Oh deal with it, JD- lightful,” Roman snapped. “You know? JD? From _Heathers_? I waste my best material on you.” 

Virgil ground his teeth. Why were they all ignoring him asking to be himself again? Virgil had never shapeshifted before, he had never even tried. He had no idea how to do it and no idea if they were going to turn him back. That out of control feeling was spiraling, and he was missing chunks of the conversation as he sat overthinking. 

When Logan switched them once more, he tried again. 

“Stop doing this!” Everyone just commented on how Joan looked with eyeshadow, ignoring Virgil. He wasn’t Joan! 

“Okay, I don’t think this switching around is helping,” Thomas said at length. 

“Of course not Thomas, because that’s not what you need,” Virgil growled for what felt like the millionth time. “Do I act like Joan? No. It doesn’t feel right because we are not actually your friends.” 

“But we look just like them!” Logan said. “Would it help if we attempted to behave like them?” 

No, please. The situation was getting worse by the second. Virgil had thought for a second Thomas was listening to him. 

Thankfully for his sanity, Logan did a very poor job of attempting to act like Talyn. 

Virgil tried to argue again. Thomas disagreed again. Roman started singing again. He was really getting sick of this cycle. Then even Logan and Roman started arguing. 

“Come on Thomas, life is an adventure!” Roman cried. 

“I’m trying to, but I don’t know if I can!” 

“Not without your friends, Thomas,” Virgil cut in. 

“Okay, enough out of you,” Roman interrupted, and then he was Terrence. “Wha-” he gasped, feeling like he’d been punched in the stomach. None of them had switched him to shut him up before. 

“You were too powerful as Joan! Somebody had to stop you!” Roman shouted back. Virgil couldn’t tell if Roman was messing around with him or if he was serious in villainizing Anxiety. Could it be both? 

After even more back and forth, Logan finally started agreeing with Virgil. Sort of. 

“Your real friends are complicated, multifaceted individuals. None of them would fit neatly into any of us.” 

“Nothing beats the real thing.” Thomas mused sadly. 

“I just said that,” Virgil muttered. 

“See? Am I at all like Terrence?” Logan continued as if he hadn’t spoken. 

Thomas seemed to deflate, shoulders sagging. “No, you’re not.” 

Despite his minor relief, Virgil was still itching with restless energy, his irritation not alleviated. Could they just cut to the chase so he could be switched back? 

“I’m getting real sick of this,” he grumbled. 

“I know you are, Anxiety.” Thomas replied soothingly. At least Thomas sort of got it. “This constant change is what I was trying to avoid in the first place!” 

Finally, everyone came back around to ending the shapeshifting. As soon as Thomas switched him back, Virgil let out an audible sigh of relief. He halfway thought that would never end. His body still prickled with pins and needles, and the tight ball of anxiety in his chest was even more unavoidable than usual, but hey. At least he felt like himself again, even if “himself” was an anxiety-ridden wreck. 

“Well, at least it was fun!” Patton exclaimed, turning to grin at Roman. Roman returned his smile, brushing imaginary dust off his shoulders. 

“Sorry about all that, Anxiety,” Thomas looked uncomfortable, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. He looked Virgil dead in the eyes, and Virgil was forced to turn away, feeling too scrutinized. 

He tried for aloof. “Whatever. I’ll let it slide because I do feel better.” 

“Yeah?”

“...Yeah.” He felt a lot better with everyone being back to their normal selves. 

“Maybe good enough to tell us… your name?” Thomas prompted, brightening. Ha. No way in hell. 

“You’re the last one! And even we don’t know your name, so we’re quite curious!” said Patton, curling his hands around his face excitedly. Virgil felt reproachful for some reason he couldn’t identify. 

“Well… okay.” Virgil was feeling spiteful, and he’d been changed so many times he thinks he’s figured out the feeling of shifting by now. 

“My name… is Talyn!” he almost smirked, changing into them. He felt like he should deliver it as a joke but he couldn’t quite bring himself to smile. 

The other sides all groaned, but none of them looked very upset, surprising Virgil. He shifted back, confused with himself. Why had he done that? 

“Is it Talyn?” Patton asked innocently. Virgil snapped. 

“No! You take turns changing me into different friends today, and then expect me to open up to all of you? Fat chance!” he paused, then tried to amend his angry outburst. “Except you Patton, you’re cool. You didn’t do that.” 

“Okay, how about we make it a rule to not change anybody who doesn’t want to be changed. And for the record, I like you all just the way that you are,” Thomas soothed. “Glad to have you back to your old intimidating self, Anxiety.” 

He didn’t feel very intimidating. 

Virgil was the first to sink out. 

He didn’t like how confused and betrayed he felt. His feelings were in haywire, and a mess of guilt and rage and something else just as strong he couldn’t identity. Even with his parting words, he had to admit he was angry at all of them, with the exception of Thomas. He didn’t even think Patton would be a welcome sight right now, and he didn’t like feeling bitter towards Patton’s pure form of optimism. Roman and the others forcing him to shapeshift had almost pushed him beyond his limit. When Logan first turned into Joan, Virgil knew it was only going to be downhill from there, and as usual, he was correct. 

In the safety of his room, he roughly dragged a hand over his face and groaned. That whole last interaction was bugging him and he felt incredibly overwhelmed. Moodily, he threw himself onto his bed and pulled the covers over himself, lacking the motivation to even change out of his jeans. Why couldn’t he go three seconds without doing something weird and embarrassing? What had he wanted when he had turned himself into Talyn? 

Oh. He knew why. He had wanted to get back at them— for them all to be as hurt by his transforming as he had been hurt by theirs. As… as hurt as he had been by Deceit. 

He curled in on himself, long withheld tears brimming in his eyes. None of them had even realized, and that almost made it worse. They should hate him for trying to hurt them, and he should be punished for it, but he knew he would never tell them because he wanted to be near them so much. He couldn’t bear it if they shunned him like before, even if they should. He’d tried to do to them exactly what he feared Deceit for, exactly what had broken his trust in him. Loneliness and shame and pain all warred for attention in his aching chest and he just wanted to disappear. 

He grit his teeth really hard and tried not to think about scratching himself, punishing himself to abate his guilt. He knew it wouldn’t do anything. 

How could he hold them accountable for hurting him by shapeshifting when they had no way of knowing? He didn’t have the right. They hadn’t done anything wrong. Somehow, that thought wasn’t comforting; it filled him with choking and cloying despair, stealing his breath from his lungs. 

None of them knew him, not really. None of them had seen the ugly and fragile parts of him he kept hidden and, he realized, none of them ever should. He didn’t want them to. His pain was his to guard, his anger his to let fester. He could never let them know him, because that would mean they would leave him, and then he wouldn’t be able to protect them or Thomas. 

Quietly, protected in the darkness of his room, he allowed himself to break down. 

… 

He’s been lying in his bed for hours now and he’s starting to get thirsty, dried tears feeling raw and uncomfortably salty on his face. He doesn’t want to run the risk of seeing anyone, but it is 10:30 PM, well past dinnertime. He probably could sneak out and get some water from the kitchen, right? No one else would be around. 

He opens his door and almost trips over a small box lying on the floor in front of it. 

“Huh...?” He says blearily. It’s heart-shaped red, tied with a bow. When he bends down to pick it up, the tag says, “to Anxiety”. 

He glanced up and down the hall. Did Patton leave this? When he opened the box, he was greeted with a neatly arranged set of chocolates that look homemade. He felt a flush rise to his cheeks. Someone made these... for him? 

Another small note caught his eye, nestled between two heart-shaped candies. He picked it up with shaking hands. It read, “_Anxiety, I’m sorry for not listening to you. I hope you can accept my apology. Can we talk in person? I have something to tell you. Meet me in the common room today at 11 pm! -Roman_”, followed by a slightly messy drawing of a heart. 

Virgil’s heart seemed to have taken permanent residence in his throat, thumping deafeningly loud, and his whole body felt flushed and shaky. He was certain his face was bright red. 

Before he knew it he’d slammed the door and slid down the inside, his back pressing up to it and his knees curled up to his chest. In his hands he cradled the box gently, preciously. 

What should he do? 

Well of course he already knew the answer to that— he would go. Roman’s choice of phrase tumbled around in his mind: “I have something to tell you...”. A feeling was building up in his chest, and there was definitely a lot of anxiety there, but also something that felt like something more, brighter and more energetic than anxiety, causing the flutter in his pulse. 

His traitorous brain chose that moment to speak up, But what if it’s Deceit? 

_But what if it wasn’t?_ The homemade chocolate, the heart— that all spoke to care and dedication, right? And if it wasn’t Deceit, and Virgil didn’t show up— he wasn’t sure he could handle the knowledge that he had disappointed Roman after he had done something so kind. Worst case scenario if he did go, it was Deceit and Virgil got hurt. Worst case scenario if he didn’t go, Roman got hurt. He knew which on he preferred. 

Gently, he set the box of chocolates on his bedside table, rearranging them to how perfect they looked before. They were too beautiful to mar just yet. If things went well, he would have some after. But only after. 

Despite his brain screaming at him not to get too excited, his mind couldn’t help whirring through the options, and come 11, he was sneaking down the the common room with bated breath. 

He paused for a second in the doorway when he saw Roman there, sitting on the couch facing away from him. 

“Roman?” He asked, daring to speak only quietly. 

“Oh, Anxiety! There you are!” Roman cried, turning around. He was grinning widely, and Virgil felt his heart leap. Blushing, Virgil stood still as Roman rose from the couch, walking forward until he was right in front of him. This close, their slight height difference was made more obvious, as Virgil had to lean his head up to look at him. He seemed real— he even smelled like the imagination, a crisp mix of grass and pine trees. 

“I’m glad you came,” his voice dipped. “I- well, I’ve been meaning to tell you something for a while now, and now that you’re one of us, I think it’s time.” 

“Y-yeah?” 

“I like you Virgil, a lot more than a friend,” Roman swept his Virgil’s hand up to his lips, almost kissing it. But not quite. “Please allow me to court you as a Prince should, with your permission!” 

Virgil was dumbstruck, eyes flitting back and forth from Roman’s soft brown eyes to his hand, gently holding his. Roman’s eyes were so wide and warm, and his gaze felt tangible in its weight. 

“I… Roman, I’m sorry to ask this, but… I would love to, I mean,” he fumbled. How could he explain? 

Roman frowned, his face falling. It hurt to see Roman’s usual bravado gone. “If you don’t desire my companionship, you can just say so, Anxiety. I will be alright.” 

“It’s not that!” Virgil scrambled to explain. “But… how do I know you’re being, er, genuine?” 

“You didn’t eat my chocolates, did you, Anxiety.” Something in Roman’s voice changed, and Virgil frowned, the sudden subject change catching him off guard. 

“I- it’s not that I didn’t want to eat them, I swear!” He rushed out. “I just-“ 

“Can’t trust me?” Romans breath was oddly cold on his knuckles. Virgil didn’t like it. His stomach dropped as he backtracked, trying to make Roman happy again. He always felt like he misstepped with Roman on accident, but he didn’t want the other side to believe he didn’t like him. He did like him, maybe too much. 

“No, Roman! Of course I trust you! I-“ 

“Well, you shouldn’t.” Roman sneered. And then Virgil was crying out as Roman wasn’t Roman at all— Deceit was standing in his place. “Come now, Virgil, I thought were were past this. Have you lost your old edge?” 

A cold jolt of fear froze Virgil where he stood. His breath felt stuck in his chest. _No. Not again, please not again._ He hadn’t wanted to believe it was him, but that was Deceit’s specialty, right? 

“Of course you trust the Others. I mean, it’s not like they’ve ever done anything wrong— they’ve never dismissed your ideas or villainized you, and they _definitely _don’t hate you anymore.” Deceit cooed. “They’ve_ alway_s given you the same trust you give them.” 

“Just-stop,” Virgil rasped. He gripped his shaking hands tightly, trying to still them. It didn’t work. “What do you want from me?”

“Nothing, really,” Deceit inspected his fingernails. “I just wanted to remind you who you are. You know, looking out for you as a friend.” 

“Looking out for me?” he spat, regaining some of his confidence. Virgil fought hard to be respected and feared, and he hated how Deceit could just take all of that away. He wasn’t the same side he used to be, and he refused to let himself be messed around with anymore.

Deceit stepped closer still, forcing Virgil back. His mismatched eyes seemed to bore into his. “Virgil, it’s about time you learned that just because the Light Sides are playing house with you, that doesn’t mean you’re better than us. We won’t stay hidden away forever. We’ll be seeing each other again very soon. Look forward to it.”

Virgil felt himself shuddering, a snarl rising to his lips. Even so, he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. Seeming satisfied, Deceit sunk down through the floor once more, throwing a “_And I dearly hope you enjoy the chocolates!_” up on his way out. 

A minute later, Virgil unfroze himself from where he was standing to frantically check all the surrounding rooms and hallways for anyone who might be eavesdropping. He felt jittery and his nerves felt fried. He’d allowed himself to grow complacent after so many years of safety. He was supposed to keep Thomas safe! How could he watch out for anyone else if he couldn’t even watch out for himself? 

He was checking under the couch when he heard Logan’s voice behind him. 

“Anxiety? What are you doing?” Virgil flinched so hard he nearly fell over. Logan was watching Virgil looking under the couch with a knit brow, holding a glass of water in one hand. He must have come from the kitchen. But… well, Deceit had never pretended to be Logan to trick Virgil specifically before, it had always been Roman. But who was to say he wouldn’t start now to catch him off guard?

Too late, Virgil realized he had just been staring at Logan silently in distress when he spoke again. 

“Are... are you quite all right?” Logan took a step forward, eyes scanning him up and down, seeming to look for some sign of possible injury. “You look slightly…” 

“I… I’ve got to go,” Virgil’s speech was jumbled as he leapt to his feet, already heading for the door. “Goodnight!” 

“Wha- Anxiety?” Logan said in confusion. But Virgil was already gone. 

Later, in the quiet of his room, Virgil would try to pick up the candy Deceit had left. It simply crumbled to dust in his hands. 

… 

And then now. 

It had been a few months since he had last seen Deceit, and he felt like he had made leaps and bounds with the other sides. He had even, however uncertainly, told them his name. 

Virgil is lying curled up on the couch in the common room scrolling through his phone when he hears voices in the kitchen. He wouldn’t usually be out in the common area, instead choosing to stay in his room, but he’d just been talking to Patton and he knew it made him happy if he seemed like he was trying to interact with the other sides. Something about the conversation suddenly draws his attention— maybe the fact that he is able to pick out Roman’s voice speaking, or the uncharacteristically urgent tone both of the speakers were using. 

“Yeah, I will relay how my endeavor goes… I mean, I don’t know if he’ll even believe me,” Roman’s voice floated out from the kitchen into the living room. Virgil froze. He sounded unusually subdued, almost not like himself, and the person Roman was speaking to was too quiet for Virgil to make out. 

“I’ll do it the next time I see him… yeah, no use wasting time… You can trust me! I never go back on my word!”

Him? They couldn’t be talking about… 

Virgil remembered Deceit’s words suddenly and shuddered. ‘We’ll be seeing each other again very soon…’ 

He grit his teeth and sat up. He didn’t want to live like this anymore, letting Deceit trick him and push him around. He wasn’t a Dark Side anymore, right? He could stand up for himself. Maybe. Or at the very least not show Deceit how much it hurt. If Deceit was going to be stupid enough to make plans to trick him while Virgil was in the next room, he wasn’t about to be stupid enought to fall for them. The conversation in the kitchen seemed to be wrapping up, and he heard one pair of footsteps walk away. 

“... Yeah. Goodnight.” 

Virgil was sitting upright and glaring at the door when “Roman” walked in. He took a double take when he saw Virgil, his eyes widening in surprise. Virgil felt a sense of smugness to have caught Deceit off guard for once. 

“Virgil!” Roman gasped. “I didn’t know you were there. Are you… alright?” He frowned at Virgil’s angry expression. 

“I overheard you talking.” 

“Oh!” Roman looked taken aback, a flush rising to his cheeks. He moved his hands uncertainly a bit, seeming uncertain on how to stand. Virgil just kept glaring. “Well… that’s a bit sooner than I expected. But I’m not a man to go back on my word! Virgil, I’ve been meaning to say this for some time now. I’ve found myself developing feelings for you, and I know that with us growing closer it’s time--” He was cut off by harsh, grating laughter. Virgil didn’t quite manage to make it sound genuine. Virgil saw the blood drain out of Roman’s face at the sound. 

“Save it, ‘Roman’,” Virgil sneered, rising from his spot on the couch. “Just-- give it up already. Leave me alone, okay? You don’t win this time.” 

Roman looked frozen in the doorway. Somehow, Virgil didn’t feel quite as victorious as he thought he would. He knew it was fake, but Roman’s stricken face… It felt like Deceit was stabbing his heart, each passing second more agonizing than the last. Virgil found more words spilling out of his mouth, unbidden. 

“And don’t bother trying to guilt trip me. Just… just don’t talk to me, okay! Leave me alone!” He repeated. Roman was still silent, staring at his face in heartbreak. What was Deceit trying to do? Make it more believable by not switching back yet? If he was trying to hurt him, Virgil couldn’t deny it was working. 

“W-what? Why--” Fake Roman finally rasped, his hand raising towards Virgil slightly. Virgil couldn’t help it. He flinched. Roman withdrew his hand like he had been burned. 

“Whatever,” Virgil cut him off dismissively. Even if Deceit wanted to keep playing this game, Virgil wouldn’t entertain it. He was done with this. “I’m going to bed. Don’t follow me.” 

He left Roman-- no, Deceit, he had to remember it was Deceit-- standing in the common room, quiet and alone. 

… 

When Virgil next woke, he felt groggy and confused. Blindly, he reached for his phone. 11:58 AM. He squinted at it in confusion, the numbers not registering for a second. Now that he ate breakfast with the other sides, he didn’t usually sleep in this late-- or, if he did, it was because they had invited him but he declined to sleep in instead. 

Why hadn’t they woken him? Did Patton just forget? Or did he not care anymore? Or did he forget because he didn’t care anymore? The others he could understand not caring, but Patton he thought he could depend on. He thought they were friends. 

_Stop overreacting, Virgil,_ he mentally berated himself. Everything’s probably fine. You’re being ridiculous. Maybe Patton had slept in? Or, wait-- what if Patton was sick? Could the sides even get sick? What if there was an emergency with Thomas he had missed because he was sleeping? 

He ripped himself out of bed, mentally feeling for Thomas’ emotions. He seemed fine, but you never knew, right? He should go find the other sides. Maybe he was just overreacting, but what if he was correct? 

His mind sped through all the possible tragedies that could have befallen Thomas and the Light Sides as he checked the kitchen, the common room, then Patton’s room. No one. Really concerned now, he checked Logan’s. Still no one. This wasn’t like them at all. 

_Okay, fine… _he thought, standing outside Roman’s door. This had to be it, there was nowhere else they would reasonably go. 

_Unless they decided they didn’t need him anymore and left him alone while making a video?_ He thought nervously. _Just check the room already!_ A more logical side of his mind screamed back. When he leaned his ear to the door, he could hear hushed conversation. He easily picked out Patton and Logan’s vocal cadences. Okay, so they were all in Roman’s room. There was that settled at least. But what was going on? 

He knocked a couple times before impatiently swinging the door open, anxiety building in his chest. Roman was hunched over on his bed, arm over his eyes, lying facing away from Virgil. Patton and Virgil were standing to his side, seemingly talking to him. There was a few seconds where Virgil just stared at the scene in hesitation. 

“I just don’t understand why--” he heard Patton saying, who sharply cut himself off when he saw Virgil at the door. He noticed Roman stiffen from his spot on the bed. Logan fixed him with a cold stare. Virgil felt dread drip down his spine at the open hostility. 

“What is he doing here?” he heard Logan whisper angrily. Virgil struggled not to cry. He was so confused. What was going on? So they did purposefully leave him behind? 

Patton cut Logan a sharp glance. He stepped forward, meeting Virgil’s eyes. 

“Virgil, kiddo, is there anything you want to say to Roman?” he prompted. 

Virgil narrowed his eyes in confusion. “Wh-what, like last words? Is he sick? What’s going on?” 

Patton and Logan both sighed, and Virgil noticed Roman curl up tighter on the bed. Virgil felt both his irritation and anxiety rise. Was Roman okay? Why was no one telling him what was happening? 

“This isn’t helping,” Logan said sternly. “Patton-” 

“Got it,” replied Patton, moving to usher Virgil out of the door. 

“What?!” Virgil spluttered. “You’re making me leave? I didn’t do anything wrong!” 

Patton led him by a grip on his shoulder out the door, shutting it firmly behind them. He fixed him with a heavy look. 

“Virgil, I’m very disappointed in you right now,” he said. All the breath left his lungs at once. Virgil bit his bottom lip so hard he thought he might split it. Even with everything else, this seemed most like a nightmare come to life. 

“Patton-” he gasped, eyes blurry with tears. “I don’t understand!” 

“Kiddo, you may not understand what you did wrong, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t wrong. We can talk about this right now, I need to talk to Roman. Stay away for right now, okay? We can work this out later.” 

_Stay away? Work it out?_ Virgil’s head felt like it was swimming. Were they going to send him back-- back to Deceit and Remus and the Others? But he didn’t want to go back. He thought that they were _family!_ Did they not want him anymore? 

Deceit had been right the whole time, he realized with a sort of dawning acceptance. Roman was upset about something--maybe even about them entertaining Virgil being one of them-- and they had all decided they didn’t want to humor Virgil anymore. The ruse was up. Pity for the deluded Dark Side only went so far. 

“Patton, please-” he choked, uneven breaths catching in his throat. 

“I know, Virgil. Just. Not right now. Please.” Patton’s eyes look sad. He knew Patton doesn’t like to fight. Virgil doesn’t want to fight him either. Suddenly, he just feels tired. He doesn’t want to be responsible for anymore of Patton’s pain. He’d done enough. 

“...Okay.” Virgil whispered. He had to know one thing though. “Patton? Is Roman gonna be okay?” 

Patton looks at him searchingly. 

“Yeah, kiddo. Roman’s gonna be okay.” Then he turns, opening the door before disappearing through. Virgil hears the lock click. 

Virgil goes back to his room and cries himself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dang this one got incredibly long. It ended up at 16 pages on google drive with only 1.15 spacing lol. I hope the quality remained the same or improved! I've been trying to be in line with Virgil's character, though I may have gone a little OOC, honestly, and started putting some of my own experience into the story. Again, let me know if I should add any tags! I think I'll go ahead and put emotional abuse in to be safe. 
> 
> Next chapter shouldn't take a super long amount of time though, I've got at least half of it drafted (I think)! If you all have any thoughts as to what I've written or how u think it should go feel free to write it in the comments, I'd be super interested!  
Anyway, see you next chapter!


	3. you wear me out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Discussions of emotional abuse, mild anxiety attack, description of a scar. Deceit also shows up again for a little bit, but this chapter isn't super bad on most potentially triggering fronts. Let me know if I need to add anything!

Virgil doesn’t leave his room for three days, and when he does, it’s not by any choice of his own. Yeah, Patton had told him to stay away for a little while, but he’s pretty sure he didn’t mean three days. To be honest, Virgil had just been trying to avoid the moment when they would finally kick him out of the Main Sides. 

He wakes up on the third day with his head pounding and his mouth feeling like it’s filled with cotton balls. Huh. Must be the lack of food and water. He’d finished the bag of chips and the half can of coke he’d had left on the second day but he’d been too afraid to go out and get more. Unfortunately, hiding couldn’t last forever.

He feels that familiar pull that means Thomas needs him for a video. He tries to ignore it at first, but that’s not quite how it works— even if Thomas isn’t directly calling him, the pressure to appear when he’s needed builds up and eventually becomes too much to bear. It was probably about the whole Joan fiasco that had happened. 

Plus, he reasons, he kind of needs to show up. The Main Sides were probably going to kick him out of their circle, so what? He could still be there for Thomas. They couldn’t stop him from being in videos. He would just have to put on a scarier front than normal to be respected, since it seemed like the time for compromise with them was over. 

“What happened? Well, for lack of better words…” He heard Thomas saying as he appeared. 

“He was a bad friend,” Virgil snapped. Patton looked taken aback, probably surprised to see him after so much silence. 

“Would you stop _saying_ that!” Princey yelled, rising up with a dramatic flourish. 

“It’s true! I tried to course-correct but you wouldn’t let me!” 

“The situation was incredibly complicated, there were many factors at stake-” 

“Whatever, you know you screwed him up.” 

“You _always_ do this!” Princey wailed. He was acting somewhat strangely. His tirade wasn’t just righteous anger, he seemed somewhat… upset. Volatile. His eyes almost looked a little… sad. Maybe he was feeling awkward after Virgil walked in on him, Logan and Patton talking in his room the other day? Defensive about his choice to kick Virgil out of the Light Sides, and confused that he was still there? 

“Guys, guys! Settle down. Please.” Thomas said pleadingly, also looking a little unnerving at the arguing. 

“Guess who has ten fingers and is very confused. This guy!” Patton laughed. “I’m silly like that!” Virgil wasn’t really sure what he was confused about. He was a Main Side, he should know what was going on. 

“I’m sure Joan was also confused when they saw that Thomas’ reserved seat was empty,” Virgil drawled. If he had to be a little harsher than usual to be listened to, he would do it. 

“Just LET IT GO, Charlie Frown!” Roman burst out angrily, huffing and crossing his arms. Then his face fell and he looked contrite, turning away from Virgil. He raised his hands to rub at his eyes. “I’m sorry I called you Charlie Frown. It’s just-- this senseless bickering never gets us anywhere.” 

This back and forth behavior from Roman was getting really confusing. 

Logan rose up. “On the contrary. Bickering amongst ourselves is historically how we've resolved, mm, all of Thomas' issues. Provided you have me there to, um, sift through the nonsense.” 

Logan soon went into explaining how Thomas had skipped the staged reading of Joan’s play. Patton was acting strangely unaware of everything that occurred, and it was putting Virgil on edge, though he did find him as endearing as usual. Everyone was acting strange today, like they were pretending the past few days hadn’t happened. Logan he could understand putting it aside to help Thomas with the video, but Patton? Virgil had thought he’d have something to say. 

Thomas finished explaining the situation, and looked around the room helplessly, gesturing wildly with his phone. 

“I mean, what do I say?! The truth is honestly so... bad.” 

“Well, the only alternative to the truth is a... fabrication, in order to ease their concerns,” Logan said, and then his eyes went wide. “Ooh, that's what you're implying that we should do, isn't it?” 

“Maybe…”

Virgil had to put a stop to this right now. “Lying is only gonna bring about more trouble, Thomas. You know this!” 

Roman cut in. “Then how would you describe all of the acting and performances he's ever done in his life? I mean, that was all acting, in a way, and that wasn't so bad!” He made a few odd mocking noises at Virgil. Yeah, Roman was definitely acting weird.

“Geez.”

“Well yeah, I wouldn't wanna say anything too ridiculous, but, I mean, it's Joan!” Thomas wrung his hands nervously. “I don't know how I could bring myself to… lie to them.”

Okay, good. Now he just needed Patton to back him up and this whole ridiculous conversation would be over. “Patton, you're Thomas' morality. What do you have to say about any of this?” Virgil asked, gesturing towards him. 

Patton gladly jumped in, seeming to be helping Virgil’s case at first, but Virgil somehow gets the feeling he’s leading the conversation somewhere else with the use of Kant’s philosophy. And the use of philosophy at all? That wasn’t very… in character, to say the least. 

“Wow, Patton. Referencing famous philosophers?” Logan said. “I'm impressed.”

“Well, I'm Morality! I gotta know my stuff!” Patton grinned. Deceit hadn’t taken Patton’s form yet, but… there was a first time for everything right? No, he was just being paranoid. But there _was_ something strange going on, he was sure of it. He would write it off as whatever the other sides were hiding from him for now. 

Virgil scowled. “Impressed isn't the word I'd use.” 

“The point is, many people think Kant is just a bit idealistic,” Patton continued, shooting Virgil a look. 

“The death of my friend is NOT ideal!” Thomas exclaimed. Patton smiled. 

“So you think Kant is wrong.” 

Thomas didn’t hesitate. “Yeah.” 

“Therefore, it's okay to bend the truth whenever it's appropriate!” Roman eagerly interjected. 

“And totally okay to violate the trust of your close friend,” Virgil shot back, glaring at Roman. Roman didn’t seem to notice the double meaning regarding the past few days. Virgil didn’t have a good history with people “bending the truth”, and he didn’t like these ideas influencing Thomas. 

“Oh, don't be dramatic. That's my job. Lying could mean the BEEEST OF BOTH WORLDS! So Joan won't feel low because we weren't at their show!” Roman wiggled his shoulders and grinned. Great. 

Virgil frowned. “Patton, I thought you said lying was wrong!” 

“Well, it's all about priorities, friendo. What's more important to us? Joan's feelings... or honesty?” Patton replied. 

“Ah, that's bordering on what's known as moral particularism. See, I know things too!” Logan interjected. 

“Okay, but I just don't know if I can lie to Joan,” Thomas replied nervously. 

Roman shapeshifted into Joan. “Maybe you just need some practice!” 

“JOAN, DON'T HATE ME!” Thomas screamed, seemingly on instinct. Virgil felt himself flinch, but it didn’t seem like anyone noticed. Probably for the best. 

“Sorry, it's still me! Prince Roman,” Roman apologized, switching back for a second before shifting again. “I just thought maybe we could try ‘lying to Joan’ to see how it feels. I mean, what the heck did we establish this whole shape-shifting thing for if we're never going to use it?” 

Virgil really wished they would never use it. Virgil could only watch helplessly as they decided to act out Thomas lying to Joan. If Thomas didn’t feel comfortable with the idea in the first place, he didn’t think they should go through with practicing lying. Roman charged ahead, deciding on four acts, creating a stage around them to use in the Mind Palace. 

“But let's not forget all of the people making this possible,” he continued. “Logan! Our stage manager SLASH! Drama turd!” 

“The correct pronunciation is drama_turg_. The researchers of the plays and operas being put on,” he corrected.

“That's why you got the job, buddy,” Roman laughed. He turned to Virgil, his smile becoming a little stiff. “Also, can't forget our hardworking techie, Virgil! Our utterly delightful go-between for the operation of the lights, the set, the costumes, the props, the actors --“ 

“So many things,” Virgil growled, curling his hands around his ears. He couldn’t help but feel like this was a punishment. Was Roman trying to get rid of him? Or just keep him busy so he wouldn’t have to interact with him? 

Patton and Roman argued about who would get to be director, but Virgil busied himself with setting up for the performances, training the spotlight on Roman. 

“Act One!” Roman proclaimed. Virgil had to run back and forth, moving the spotlight and then having to manage the sound at the same time. He felt a building dread as Patton and Roman coached Thomas to lie. Thomas couldn’t manage it the first time, so they tried the first scene again. 

“Oh! My beautiful son, I didn't see you there. Have you come bearing Mother's Day gifts?” Roman said. 

Thomas flailed. “Oh! Um… Agh! Darn. Um… I was on my way here, to get you your gift, but, uh... it got lost.” 

“Oh, goodness, how?” Roman replied. 

“Uh-- ooh! A homeless lady… Um… ate it.” Thomas stuttered. 

“What?” Virgil said incredulously. Even if someone was homeless, people don’t just eat gifts on accident. Somehow he still felt a little relieved Thomas was a poor liar. Perhaps Deceit wasn’t here after all? His influence didn’t appear to be very strong just then. 

“What? Why?” Roman said, just as confused as Virgil was. 

“I uh... left it on a free food counter, like a doofus and, uh, she mistook it for a free food sample and ate it.” 

“Oh, poor thing, was she hungry?” Roman-As-Joan-As-Thomas’-Fake-Mom cooed. 

“VERY hungry! That's why I bought her lunch! Uh, we exchanged information and she told me she would call me on a payphone when the gift later, um… resurfaces.” Thomas cringed, along with practically everyone else besides Patton. 

“What the fff--?” Virgil barely cut himself off. Keep it PG. 

“Oh, no thank you then! I don't want it anymore. But! It's the thought that counts. I love you! Mwah!” Roman kissed Thomas on the cheek theatrically. 

“And SCENE. Brilliant!” Patton clapped excitedly from the audience, somehow looking genuine. It was times like this that made Virgil wonder if Patton could really be so cheerful all the time or if he was just a very good actor.

“Really?” Thomas and Virgil spoke in unison, grimacing. 

“Logan, can you tell us more about that scene?” Patton asked. 

“That was a series of lies of commission, which is when the liar tells the subject an unmitigated falsehood, presenting fiction as fact,” Logan explained. 

They continued to discuss the scene, Patton praising Thomas’ acting, but something was eating at Virgil. He felt his anxiety rising at the idea of Thomas even possibly lying both because it was wrong and because… 

“But what if the mom finds out that he lied?” Virgil interjected, unable to keep the worry out of his voice. 

“Well,” Logan said, adjusting his glasses, “based on Roman's characterization, it's likely that some sort of betrayal-motivated disownment would take place.” 

“WHAT?!” Virgil cried. Betrayal-motivated disownment didn’t bring up very good memories for Virgil. Everyone ignored him, moving on to the second scene. 

Throughout the performances, Virgil kept getting the feeling that Logan and Roman were avoiding him, though Patton still seemed oblivious. Roman was very studiously pretending he was not there, and even from across the stage Logan seemed to be avoiding his eyes. Only Patton seemed unaffected by the strange tension hanging in the air. Maybe it was because he was sitting apart from them. Patton had always liked him best out of the three— maybe he was the only one fine with Virgil being there, and Logan and Roman were just waiting for this to be over so they could officially ask Virgil to leave. They had to act like everything was fine in front of Thomas, though, who miraculously didn’t seem to notice. 

Roman dusted imaginary dust off of his shoulders after act Two, turning back into himself. 

“Oh! Well done! I mean, I almost lost character, because the LIGHTS were too BRIGHT!” He yelled in Virgil’s general direction. 

“I can only be so many places at once, dude!” Virgil snapped into his headset. 

“Yeah. Um…” Roman changed the subject, looking at Patton with a furrow in his brow. Virgil couldn’t read Roman the best, but he looked a little uncomfortable. Maybe he was starting to not like this either. “Would you like to say anything, Patton?”

“High marks here! You all are really putting on a show!” Patton praised, seemingly unconcerned. Virgil chewed on his nail anxiously. “Act Three!”

Roman came in from stage left, dressed as a stereotypical jock. “BROOO! No effin' way, dude! Who broke this vase? Who broke this vase? Seriously, guys. Everyone who's here at my awesome party… this huge crowd of people that's definitely here right now…” Thomas seemed almost as anxious as Virgil was, staring wide-eyed at Roman wordlessly. 

“Oh my go--” Virgil mumbled, rubbing his eyes. 

“Somebody broke my grandma's vase. And that was the last thing she gave to me... before she died! I swear to all things football and/or skateboarding that I will find you. Don't make me cry these incredibly manly tears! Anyone can speak up here, and be a part of this scene,” Roman continued. “Especially those of us who aren't imagined, and are actually here on the stage.”

Virgil sighed. 

“Like, not the people who are imagined to be here through means of suspension of disbelief,” Roman prompted again. Thomas still didn’t respond, so he walked off stage, yelling to someone that they should bake cookies. 

“Aaand scene!” Patton cheered.

Roman shifted back, visibly frustrated. “Thomas, what was that?!” 

“I don't-- I don't know. I--” Thomas whispered, hands curled around his face. 

“I was giving you acting GOLD, and you were giving me NOTHING! Was it because I didn't use the red Solo cup, I mean, I thought it was cliché, but if it took you out of the moment--” 

They continued bickering, Logan explaining how Thomas’ “lying technique” had actually been correct, when Roman broke in with a put-upon groan. 

“Something wrong?” Virgil asked. _Come on, Roman, just end this already!_ Look, Roman may not like Virgil, but he knew the Prince was good at heart. It was one of the things he had always admired most about him. If people wouldn’t listen to Virgil anymore he would have to make Roman convince them instead. 

“I don't know, it's just, you know, maybe some of the sceneplay is making me feel a little icky,” Roman confessed. Virgil couldn’t help but feel a warm burst of affection. How did he manage to be so cute while saying that? 

“Wh- I thought you were fine with all of this!” Thomas spluttered, taking a step back. 

“I! Am! I'm just-- I'm thinking about Patton!” Roman denied. “All of this definitely has to be a little bit strenuous on him, isn't that right Patton?” 

“All right guys, it all comes down to this. You've put on one heart-stopping act after another, now, WOW me in this fourth act!” Patton cut right across what Roman was saying, ignoring his question. Okay, that was it. Having to do everything for tech had been successfully distracting Virgil but that was really strange. More than just being slightly odd, doing that was just… not Patton. Being both commandeering and rude? This was more than weird tension, this was more than likely Deceit.

He hadn’t wanted to believe Deceit would act again so soon-- I mean, only three days apart? That wasn’t usually his style-- but it seemed too apparent to be denied now. 

After some initial faltering (and a missing Sippy Cup), the scene resumed. Thomas seemed to be growing less confident over time instead of more, floundering increasingly with each new lie he tried to tell Joan. He tried every kind of lie they had done so far, and “Patton” kept shooting them down. 

“Let's try it from the top again!” Patton directed. 

Roman held up an empty hamster cage as Joan. “Wiww you pwease tell me what happened to my fuwwy, squishy, beautiful, fwagiwe but deaw companion Sir Squiggles da Bwave?” Thomas looked like he was struggling not to cry. He made an inarticulate sobbing noise and ran offstage.

Patton had a grimace on his face, a far cry from his usual easy grin. “End scene.” 

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I-- that scenario should have been a little bit easier for me to lie so I could... protect the kid, but... this is all just making me feel really weird.” Thomas apologized profusely. For a second Virgil was oddly reminded of himself and how he interacted with Deceit, and he shivered. He didn’t want Thomas having to act like that to anyone. It felt wrong. 

Virgil heard Roman reply. “Sadly, I have to agree, I… This whole night has been a fiasco. It's curtains, for sure!”

“Curtains?” Virgil called, hand already on the rope. He was getting more than a little bit anxious to get out of here. 

“No! No, I didn't-- Oh, come on... whatever. Fine, end it now.” Roman grumbled from underneath the fabric. Listen, Virgil was taking any chance he had to end this thing. 

They appeared back in Thomas’ living room. Thomas and Roman looked despondent. Patton looked a little nervous himself. Logan just looked impassive. 

Roman sighed. “Well… All's well that ends well, I suppose.” 

Thomas gave him an incredulous look. “That did not end well.” 

Roman puffed up defensively. “Could you like not? Like... rub it in? Because sure, I'll admit it: It did not end well.” 

“Come on guys, let's not give up now!” “Patton” coaxed. “Thomas-- you don't want to make Joan mad at you, do you?” He looked pleadingly at Thomas, going right in for the guilt trip. Thomas was stronger than Virgil, though. 

Thomas looked down, squeezing his eyes shut in frustration. He shook his head. “No, I don’t, But… I feel like I would be mad. Or… disappointed. In myself. If I were to lie to them about this.”

Patton waved a dismissive hand. “You won't if it's done correctly! Right, Roman?” 

“I don't know, I… I think Thomas is right…” He dragged a hand down the side of his face. “When people go to see a show, they know that it's just a show!” 

“Yes! Whenever a person purchases a ticket to a show, there's an unspoken agreement between that person and the showrunners that what they're seeing isn't actually happening before them.” 

“Virgil, buddy!” Patton swung his gaze around to Virgil. He glared back suspiciously. “I know you weren't too keen on it at first, but come on! Could you stand to lose the support of one of Thomas' friends?” That manipulation was a little too blatant to actually work on Virgil when he had his guard up. 

“Well yeah, Thomas' friends make me feel more at ease… But Thomas lying would make me just as uneasy,” Virgil responded tersely, barely keeping his cool. Then he lost it. “And anyone who doesn't understand that should just _shut up!_” 

“Whoa now,” Thomas said, clearly shocked. Well, that made sense. Virgil would never say this to the actual Patton, but this _wasn’t Patton_. 

“Patton” leaned back, adopting a hurt expression. “Virgil! It's me! Aren't we friends?” 

“I'm not so sure we are,” Virgil murmured, looking away. Roman was looking at Virgil in surprise. He saw Logan’s eyes widen. _Come on, he_ had _to realize it by now!_

“Patton” was growing desperate. “Thomas! I know this sounds backwards, but sometimes… lying is good!” 

Roman pursed his lips. “Mm, but you've said before--” 

“I know what I said! It doesn't matter. In this situation, it is the right thing to do...Period,” he cut Roman off, losing his cheerful composure. Virgil swallowed nervously as he saw him getting visibly angry. Virgil leaned back against the stairs for support and curled his hands into fists, knowing his pulse was spiking but trying to control it. 

Thomas shook his head. “Patton, no.” 

Virgil didn’t know how Thomas was staying so calm. “You're wrong on this one, buddy. I think what I need to do is accept the true course of action. If I've made a mistake, it's better for me to own up to it. I'm thankful that you all helped to guide me through these other options because it helped me to arrive at this conclusion. I need to tell the truth here. And it might… hurt to do that. But… Whatever happens, happens,” Thomas replied. 

The snarl on Patton’s face didn’t suit him. “Wow, I'm so proud of you Thomas. You're so mature,” he hissed, clapping sarcastically. 

“Thank... you?” Thomas said, confused.

“I knew something smelled fishy here,” Virgil growled, unable to stop himself. 

“I also smell it. I told Thomas to take the trash out,” Logan added matter-of-factly. 

Virgil felt his confidence drop. He-- he did know, right? “No, I, it does smell bad, but I was talking about Patton.” 

“Oh, you mean how he's clearly--” “Patton” flicked his wrist and Logan’s hand slapped across his mouth. Virgil tensed. _Not Logan! _He needed him to protect Thomas! Who knew what Deceit could do now that he was actually here? 

“Oooh I get it now…” Roman winced. 

Thomas was understandably freaking out. “I don't! What is happening?!” 

“You have to give us permission first…” Roman slid his gaze to Virgil. Virgil took a deep breath to steady himself, counting his inhales and exhales. 

“There are sides to everyone that they'd prefer not to know about. But you are the boss, Thomas. Any information you want to know, you can know. You just…” he paused, keeping his voice carefully even. “You have to be open to hearing it.” 

“In other words, would you like to learn something new about yourself, Thomas?” Roman asked. Logan nodded frantically behind the hand covering his mouth. Thomas looked around the room. 

“I don't... know…” he said, apprehensive. 

“Oooh, I don't know either, Thomas! You might not like what you find,” “Patton” was grinning again now, sensing his advantage. The cruel expression looked alien on Patton, and Virgil had to restrain his anger. He had everyone uncertain and following his rules now. 

“Fine! Tell me!”

Logan ripped the hand away from his mouth. “DECEIT!” he shouted, pointing. 

And… it really was him. Deceit stood at the end of the room, his low chuckle seeming to fill the whole space. He smirked, eyes roving around the room, and though they didn’t rest on Virgil he could feel his gaze like a weight pinning him down. Deceit had his hands carefully placed together, which should have been ridiculous but was actually intimidating. 

Virgil’s world was crashing around him. He hadn’t… he hadn’t wanted to believe that Deceit would actually appear here, with Thomas, and he certainly hadn’t expected him to impersonate Patton of all people, but of course Deceit was always ten steps ahead. He’d never pictured Thomas and him actually meeting. But now… here he was. It was actually happening. He felt lightheaded, his limbs number than normal. 

“WHAT?! Deceit?!” Thomas shouted. 

“Who's she? Never heard of her,” Deceit said sarcastically. 

“Oh, I hate this guy and his creepy... snake face!” Roman griped. “However, he is very kind.” 

“Love the new outfit, Roman,” Deceit cut in, clearly lying. 

“Thank you!” Roman seemed actually flattered. Virgil’s skin felt like it was crawling. _Don’t trust him!_ He wanted to scream. He didn’t want the two of them anywhere near each other. Deceit already ruined Virgil’s relationship with Roman; he wouldn’t let him do anything to the actual Roman either. However, considering how much Roman disliked him, he didn’t think his advice would be very welcome. 

Deceit turned to face Virgil. “And Virgil, I adore the more intense eyeshadow. It totally doesn't make you look like a raccoon.” 

Virgil bared his teeth and resisted the urge to hide his eyes. “Nice gloves. Did you just finish washing some dishes?”

Deceit feigned inspecting his nails. “Yes,” he drawled.

“Why didn't I know about him until now?!” Thomas yelled, frantic. 

“He... had you convinced you're an honest person,” Virgil responded, a little breathy. 

“But…” Thomas looked around in distress. “I... AM an honest person.” 

“Oh, you are, Thomas. You are a good person. Everybody says so,” Deceit soothed him. 

Logan cut in. “Nobody's a completely honest person.”

“I... try to be.” 

“THAT'S a more honest statement. Given all the variations of dishonesty-- lies of omission, lies of commission, et cetera-- lies can be fairly difficult to avoid. According to Pamela Meyer, author of "Liespotting”, on any given day, you may be lied to between ten to two hundred times. Very few people are always honest one hundred percent of the time.” 

“So, what, he made me think I'm a completely honest person so I didn't know he existed?!” Thomas cried. 

“You place distance between who you are and the lies that you tell. He is responsible for your doing so,” Logan explained. 

Thomas looked betrayed. “Why didn't you guys tell me?” 

“If you really don't want to know something, he… can keep our mouths shut,” Roman responded, contrite.

Thomas turned to glare at Deceit. “I can't believe that I fooled myself like that.” 

“You don't WANT to believe it. THAT'S where his power comes from. Things that you want to believe. Things that you wish were true. And things that you wish weren't,” Logan continued. That… hit a little close to home. 

Deceit raised an eyebrow, giving Logan a sharp glance. “What you don't know can't hurt you.” 

“FALSEHOOD,” Logan snapped. He took a step forward. “Knowledge is an incomparably valuable multi-purpose tool that is instrumental in identifying and solving any problem! If you're worried about getting hurt, then seek knowledge. It is our greatest weapon and our greatest defense.” 

Virgil remained silent, watching the exchange. He would always admire how Logan could just… speak his mind so bravely and clearly, even in rough situations. Virgil was barely hanging onto his sanity as he was and he wasn’t even talking. 

Thomas looked struck by Logan’s words, contemplative. “Wow, Logan, that's… That was really lovely. And speaking of seeking knowledge,” he switched tracks, spinning to face Deceit once more, “WHERE IS PATTON?!”

Roman pointed an accusing finger. “HOW DARE YOU STAND WHERE HE STOOD!” 

Deceit just laughed. “You foolish dummy. I am, and always HAVE BEEN, Patton.” He continued chuckling, even tilting his head back to laugh more.

Thomas started freaking out, Logan and Roman both trying to make him realize Deceit was lying. Neither of them were successful until-- 

“_Ow!_” 

“Oh, my head…” Patton’s voice could be heard grumbling. 

“Ow! Oh, that hurt--” Deceit yelped, jumping up. 

“My hair, okay…” 

Deceit looked around nervously. “I mean, it didn't hurt me. At all. _Ow!_” 

Patton rose up, laughing himself. It sounded nothing like Deceit’s. Despite himself, Virgil felt warmth spread throughout his chest at the sight of him. “Hey! Um… You're in my spot,” Patton said, gesturing for Deceit to move. 

“PATTON!” Thomas shouted in relief, extending his arms in joy. Virgil felt a huge smile creep across his face. 

“Well, this all went according to plan…” 

“Surely it didn't,” Logan deadpanned. 

Roman waved his arms dismissively. “Get out of here, Jack the Fibber!” 

“All right. But you've seen the last of me…” Deceit threatened, sinking down. 

Patton was nonplussed. “Bye.” 

“Patton, I am so glad that you're back!” Thomas exclaimed. It felt like the room was full of life again now that Patton was here. 

“So glad that my back is what?” Patton laughed, an easy smile gracing his face. “Finish your sentences, Thomas.” Virgil hadn’t realized just how much he had missed Patton and his humor while he was gone. Not just right now, but… the past few days. Virgil blinked away the tears that threatened to rise when he thought about it. _Save the pity party for after the video,_ he reminded himself. 

They goofed around, making sure this was the actual Patton, before Thomas sobered up again. He sighed heavily. 

“I'm still reeling from all of this.” 

“I'm surprised I wasn't summoned earlier! I mean, here y'all are, havin' a big ol' "T" party without me!” Patton giggled.

“Well I thought you were here all along!” Thomas’ face fell. “Guys… Deceit told me that I was a good person. Does that mean I was lying to myself? Am I… Am I actually a bad person?” he asked, achingly vulnerable. 

Patton’s expression was warm and open as he smiled at Thomas. “You know, kiddo, I don't think you are. I think maybe in that moment you honestly believed you were a bad person.” 

“But belief doesn't always translate to reality,” Logan finished. 

Thomas looked more comforted than before. “Thanks, guys.” 

“Kiddo, simply put, Deceit is an inner coach that acts with the one intention of self-preservation,” Patton said. 

“Well, this time around I'm gonna tune out that inner coach and… set things right. But, before I do, um… one more question,” Thomas paused, building up his courage. “Are there any other Sides that Deceit has hidden away from me?

Patton hesitated before replying. “...Yes.”

“The Dark Sides,” Roman added ominously. It would have been easier if he had stabbed Virgil. 

The Dark Sides… he had never liked that name, and it was just another way in which he was marked as different from the Main Sides. He knew Roman didn’t see Virgil as one of them, but it was a special kind of hurt to hear him use that name in front of Thomas. 

“Well that's… not the answer that I wanted, in full honesty.” 

“I made that name up. It's pretty cool, right?” Roman looked really pleased with himself. 

“Nice and foreboding, thank you,” Thomas responded, seeming a little sarcastic himself. 

“Well, best of luck with Joan. Or as they say in the theatre... fracture a femur,” Logan said with a hint of a smile. 

“What?” Virgil blurted without thinking. 

“The actual saying is ‘Break a leg,’ but I improved it.” Well. That checked out. 

“I hate both of those equally,” Virgil replied, sinking down. He felt Logan sink out soon after. 

He appeared in his room, letting himself shakily sit down onto his bed. Virgil buried his face in his hands, letting out a ragged breath and trying his hardest not to cry. His mind didn’t feel like it could properly process or focus on everything that was happening-- Deceit being Roman, then whatever the Light Sides were planning to talk to him about, then Deceit pretending to be Patton and appearing to Thomas for the first time-- he couldn’t think of all the implications of that right now. He didn’t want to. And he didn’t want to face facts with the Main Sides just yet. 

However, he knew each passing minute he allowed himself to hide would only delay the inevitable, if not make things worse. If he waited any longer, he might just pass out, and that would just worsen his situation. He didn’t want to burden the other sides with taking care of him along with giving him the news that he had to leave. He would give himself ten minutes, and then he would leave his room. He let himself cry a little into his knuckles. 

_Okay, Virgil,_ he thought to himself. _You can do this. You can get kicked out of the Light Sides. You can handle them hating you. Wait, can I? I don’t think I honestly can._

Yeah, the positive self-talk thing wasn’t really working out. Steeling his nerves, Virgil checking his reflection to touch up his eyeshadow before stealing out of his room to get some water. He could really use it. He was in the midst of filling his glass when a voice spoke from behind him. 

“Virgil.” 

He yelped and spun around, narrowly avoiding splashing water over himself and Logan. Logan’s expression didn’t hold his usual brightness or sarcasm. It was closed off, and… a little bit sad? His attitude had changed after the video, and all the emotions he was hiding for Thomas’ benefit didn’t seem to be hidden anymore. Virgil knit his brows in confusion, taking a long sip of water so he had an excuse not to say anything. 

“Despite the… interruption that just occured, we need to talk. I feel that any more delays would be detrimental to all of us. We all need to... well, clear the air regarding what happened a few days ago before discussing what just transpired with Deceit.” 

Well, there went his water-sipping plan. Seemed like Logan wanted him to speak anyway. 

What did he mean, ‘before discussing what just transpired with Deceit?’. What did that have to do with anything? _Well, I guess they just want to get rid of the Dark Side before they make a plan._

“I… I guess we do,” Virgil rasped out, throat tight. He winced as his voice cracked horribly. Logan’s frown grew deeper. 

“Are you currently prepared?” asked Logan, still staring him down. 

_No!_Virgil’s brain screamed out. _No, I’ll never be ready! Please don’t leave me!_

“I guess now is as good a time as any,” he said instead. He tried to keep his hands from trembling around the glass. He was only partially successful: the water stayed in the glass, but the shaking was still apparent. 

Logan led him out of the kitchen into the common area, where Patton and Roman were both sitting, already on the couch. The mood was very different from the video, a little more awkward, a little heavier. The chair Virgil usually sat on was pulled up across from them, conspicuously empty. It looked like an interrogation. Or a trial. 

Virgil tried not to let his thoughts spin out of control as he sat down gingerly. Patton was looking at him with wide, sad eyes, and Roman wasn’t looking at him at all. It made sense in a way. Of course once Roman was done being forced to spend time with Virgil he wouldn’t even want to see his face. 

“Virgil, we’ve been meaning to talk to you about this for a couple of days,” started Patton. Virgil knew he looked pale and frightened, his shoulders hunched and bangs in his face. Patton seemed confused by this somehow. He paused for a second, then changed track. “Why do you think Logan asked you to talk to us?” 

Was this a trick question? 

“I’m- I’m bad. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I understand that you’re angry!” Virgil exclaimed. He couldn’t seem to articulate himself, and he couldn’t seem to get Deceit off his mind and it was really throwing him off. “I understand, I can go. I know I’m not always the best for Thomas--” 

“Kiddo, this isn’t about Thomas,” said Patton. He seemed to be even more confused than before, and was looking at Virgil in what seemed to be guarded concern. “This is about Roman.” 

Virgil switched his gaze back to Roman. Uncharacteristically, he hadn’t spoken yet, instead staring down at the couch and his hands. _How was this about Roman?_ Well, he reasoned, it was about kicking Virgil out. Of course Roman was involved. He was the one who hated Virgil the most, after all. 

“Roman,” Virgil said. Roman’s sad, brown eyes shifted to meet Virgil’s, and Virgil felt his stomach twist. He wasn’t quite sure what was going on, but he never meant to cause him any pain. He might as well apologize for everything then. “I know that we disagree a lot, and that you h- don’t like me. I won’t fight you on this-” 

“Okay, stop!” Logan snapped. Virgil closed his mouth. Roman somehow seemed more upset than he was before, instead of victorious as Virgil had expected. Roman was clasping his hands nervously in his lap, and Virgil found his gaze fixed on them for a long second. 

Logan looked frustrated, and he pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out an aggravated breath. “Virgil, you’re just-- we’re not even talking about the same thing. We aren’t sending you away or anything like that. None of us even want you to go away. This is about what you said to Roman.” 

“To Roman…?” Virgil repeated dumbly. “But I didn’t…” 

What on Earth had he said to Roman? 

“Look, Virgil,” Roman finally spoke. The normal princely demeanor was gone; his lip trembled with the effort of keeping his expression strong. His arms were crossed protectively over his chest. “I understand if you don’t reciprocate my feelings. That’s… that’s okay, I know why you might not want… want… _Anyways._ You just didn’t have to be so c-cruel about it!” To Virgil’s horror, he could see barely withheld tears shimmering in Roman’s eyes, though the prince kept his expression largely resolute. 

_Wait, so…_

“I just don’t understand why you would be so hurtful, Virgil. It’s not like you!” Patton said, brow knit. 

_It hadn’t been… _

“We know you can lash out at times, but you are very rarely deliberately malicious,” Logan added, adjusting his glasses.

_It hadn’t been Deceit? _

_“I never knew you had the potential to be this heartless… and they say I’m the bad one. I’m not half so cruel as you are.” _

_Then… Deceit had been right all along. _

Virgil burst into tears. All his pent up tension from the last few days seemed to have snapped and come flooding out, he tried to calm himself down but found it impossible to stop crying. Blurrily, he could see the other sides staring at him in shock, and he curled in on himself. 

“You don’t mean…” Virgil gasped. “That wasn’t-- not Deceit?” Tears leaked out of his eyes, and he wiped them messily, smearing them across his face along with his new eyeshadow. “I’m sorry!” he gasped, breathing uneven. “I-I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it Roman! I swear, I never would--!” 

But he had. 

Had he really said all those things to Roman? All the same things and worse that Deceit made him believe Roman had once said to him. _But I did it for real,_ he thought. _I’m a bad person. I’m a Dark Side. I hurt Roman. I _hurt _Roman!_

He grasped for Roman’s hand, pulling it into his own. He felt Roman’s calloused palms slide against his own, against the long scar Deceit had given him when they were twelve, and he felt like he was going to throw up. He had done it to Roman deliberately. Even if they were bad reasons, Deceit hadn’t known any better, right? But Virgil had meant what he said to hurt. Whether his intentions were for someone else didn’t matter. He had hurt Roman anyway. 

Roman’s wide, shocked eyes gazed into his. He was silent, and his lips were no longer trembling. Instead, Roman’s expression had shifted from hurt, to surprise, to looking like he was deep in thought as he met Virgil’s gaze. Virgil knew he looked like a mess, probably pale with tears and snot across his face, but he needed to be strong. For Roman. So he could fix this. 

“Roman,” he tried again. Stopped. “I didn’t think that it was you. I’m so- sorry. I never would have said those things-- I was so _cruel _to you,” it came out as more of a whine than a word. “I’m no better than any of the- of the other Dark Sides. I’d do anything to make it up to you— I can’t believe I let you believe those things for days— I’m just like—”

“Virgil,” Roman said, low and dangerous. Virgil blanched, but didn’t let go of his hand. “Why would you assume that it wasn’t me? Why did you think I was Deceit?” 

“I…” Virgil was at a loss for words. The three of them stared back at him. His throat felt constricted. How could he even start to explain? How could he explain without them seeing just how much of a pathetic idiot he was? Just how much he had hidden from them over the years? “I just-- I-- it wasn’t--” 

“Troublingly low self-worth aside, has Deceit impersonated Roman to deceive you before?” Logan asked, cutting through Virgil’s stuttering to the point. 

All Virgil could think to do was lower his head so his fringe covered his eyes, nodding slightly. “I,” his voice cracked. He felt uncomfortable for reasons he couldn’t identify, cracked open and exposed; he felt like what had happened with Deceit was something shameful he had to hide. But Logan had asked. “Well, I guess, yeah. I should have- I should have realized it wasn’t you this time, Roman-!” 

“‘This time?’” Patton quoted, sounding troubled. He and Logan exchanged a glance. “Kiddo, how many times has this happened?” 

“A… a few…” Virgil whispered. “I mean, it wasn’t like it was for no reason. The first time he just did it to punish me, but I think… I think after that he started to find it funny?” He pulled back his hands, wringing them nervously together. He never liked to be reminded of where he got the scar on his hand from. 

Roman and Logan looked murderous, and even Patton’s face was uncharacteristically severe. 

“What kind of things would be trick you with, Verge?” Patron said gently. Somehow Virgil managed to hunch over more. 

“Just, like… saying you guys liked me and… and stuff,” Virgil rasped. He felt like sinking go into a hole and dying. He felt like hiding under his covers and never coming out again. But he owed it to them to tell them the truth. “You know, giving me gifts that end up… doing bad stuff. Or tricking me into believing Roman had told me something or to go somewhere, and then laugh at me when I went.” 

He kept wringing his hands anxiously, rubbing the scar across his palm with his thumb. 

“Virgil,” Logan said suddenly. “Could I see your right hand?” 

Virgil shoved his hand out. He could barely stand to watch Logan inspect it, gently rotating it so the palm was up. He didn’t need to, anyways; he had it memorized. There’d been a couple of other tiny scratches from that day, but that one had been the one to stick: his palm had been pressed into a thorn that cut a gash from just below his index finger diagonally across his palm almost down to his wrist. The mark was still raised, a firm line of white scar tissue. 

“Where did you get this, buddy?” Patron was so gentle, too gentle. Virgil didn’t deserve this kind of pity for his mistakes. 

“F-from the first time, when we were twelve,” Virgil sniffed. “He- he gave me a rose, he said— he said— and he put my hands on it, and it hurt, and then he didn’t let them go, and then he was Deceit again, and I fell and—“ 

He had never told anyone that story before. He’d thought he was over it. It had been so long ago, why couldn’t he just get over it? But somehow, telling them about it, he could feel that fresh terror and shame like it was yesterday, and he couldn’t even manage a freaking sentence without falling all over his words. There was something so- so violating about sharing his deepest secrets- his most precious feelings- and then having it turn out to all be a trick and a lie that never left him. 

_Stop being so hysterical!_ His mind shrieked at him. He wasn’t sure how they were still listening, but he didn’t want to scare them off. He took deep breaths. _Breathe, Virgil. _

“I’m sorry,” Virgil said miserably. “I should have figured out how to tell you by now.” 

“I’m going to kill him.” Roman said. He almost looked calm but his intense gaze betrayed him. 

“What? No! Look, Roman, I know Deceit is not a great person. But that stuff back then- it was my fault. Deceit made a few mistakes, but I was the one who forced him to do it. He doesn’t do things for no reason, even if what he does isn’t perfect.” 

“And if he did it for a reason," Logan said, “Did it actually fix things between you and him-- or anyone else for that matter-- or did it just hurt you?” 

Virgil twitched in his seat, but stayed silent. 

“And were you forcing him to trick you when he would embarrass you in front of us and the Others just for fun?” Patton pressed. 

“Just- STOP!” Virgil shouted, palms pressed flat over his ears. Oh no— he’d used his Dark side voice on accident— 

“I’m sorry!” Virgil’s breathing picked up when he accidentally spoke in the voice once more. He’d screwed up again—!

“No, I’m sorry, Virgil. I shouldn’t have pressed so much. You have nothing to apologize for. Just breathe.” Patron soothed. “Just breathe with me. In, two, three, four; now hold…” 

Virgil took rattling breaths, following his instructions. In and out, in and out, in and out… Slowly, he started to feel slightly more in control, or at least less like he wanted to run away. 

“Can I hug you, Verge?” Patron asked. His eyes were understanding, and his expression soft. “You can say no, I won’t mind.” 

Virgil barely kept himself from sobbing again. He didn’t understand why they were all being so nice to him.

“Sure,” he said shyly. “Just… I don’t know… “ He stopped. He didn’t know how to explain it. 

“Tell me if this is too much, okay?” Patton said tenderly. He held his arms out, and let Virgil make the first move to edge onto the couch and sit in front of him. Carefully, he laid one hand on Virgil’s shoulder, then when Virgil stayed relaxed, he let his arm wrap around him. He held it slightly away from Virgil’s body so it didn’t feel constricting, and more like it were lightly resting against him. 

Slowly, haltingly, Virgil curled in to let his forehead rest against Patton’s shoulder. Patton adjusts his grip so that he’s more comfortable, and then reaches out his other hand slowly. Virgil tenses when his hand comes near his own, but he doesn’t stop there; Patton reaches up and hovers his hand over the nape of Virgil’s neck. 

“Is this okay?” he whispered, gentle. 

“Y-yeah,” Virgil chokes out. Patton lets his hand softly brush the hair on the back of his neck. It felt… really nice. Virgil didn’t know if he could recall anyone ever holding him like that.

Patton was so warm and so precious in the way he held him; tenderly, as if he were holding something of great importance. Virgil melted into the embrace. He felt as if his whole body was being warmed from his chest. He sighed, snuggled into the hug. He discreetly tried to shed a few tears into Patton’s shirt, and on his shoulder, he thought Patton might be going the same. That just made Virgil cry harder. 

He lost track of the time they held each other for, curled on the couch surrounded Logan and Roman. But for the first time in days or maybe years, Virgil had hope that things were going to end up okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this chapter ended up ridiculously long. It's almost twice the length of the last one and easily twice the length of the first at over 8000 words and 25 pages. Hopefully that makes up for the long wait, haha! Tell me what you thought about the end-- I've been waiting for the Main Sides to talk with Virgil about this for a while, and I hope I did the scene justice. Of course, there still needs to be quite a bit more resolution before this is done! Probably one more long chapter, though slightly possibly two. One will most likely be enough though. Also, let me know what you thought about the inclusion of the episode at the beginning! I edited some of the dialogue to make it shorter/flow better and I'm hoping it wasn't distracting. If you want to see anything in particular addressed in the resolution next chapter let me know and I'll make sure to include it! 
> 
> Anyways! I really hope you enjoyed this, it took a long time and I'm pretty proud! Thanks as always for reading!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[PODFIC] If You Wanted Honesty (That’s All You Had To Say)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22565290) by [NewTimelineNewMe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NewTimelineNewMe/pseuds/NewTimelineNewMe)


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